Gracefully Broken

Everyone starts making resolutions around this time of year that can be anywhere from health, physical, spiritual,mental, financial, or even family related. I have done this many times myself. This year is just different for me. I have some goals that I would like to reach in my Biblical studying life, family, prayer time, financial, and even in my relationships. A new year doesn’t mean it’s the only time you can start working on a new you.

A few months ago I looked at myself after taking some family photos and was not happy with what I saw or felt. Zach kept encouraging me that I had so many surgeries and strokes that my body had been through. He told me I was beautiful and a testimony of God’s faithfulness to carry us through trials. When I looked at myself I didn’t see that. I saw a girl who had been through a lot and body was now weakened by the toll that had been put on it. On the inside my faith felt strong but my body felt so weak. Instead of encouraging myself I had been tearing myself down by my own opinion of myself.

I started reading some Bible studies on strength. A lot of times we gauge strength on strictly physical aspects. In the last couple of months I wanted to start working on me. I want to be as strong as I can for my family. At my doctors appointment I told my OB that I wanted to work on my physical strength as well as lose a few pounds to help my body out. He agreed that it was a great idea and was ready to help me every step along the way. Due to having a hysterectomy and factor 5, I can’t be on hormone replacement medications…it makes things a bit complicated.

I have to go in multiple times a month for labs, vital signs, and visits with my doctor. My diet has been drastically adjusted as I am determined to better my overall health. Slowly, I’ve added some working out but really wanted to start hitting it harder and build some strength back up. I went through months of physical therapy and thankfully I had one of the best, Morgan McNeil. She showed me exercises that I have been able to implement in my everyday life. Now, I can confidently build upon those exercises.

You can be physically strong all day long, but spiritually weak inside. I want to have both strengths. God has really placed on my heart that if I surrender to Him every single aspect of my life He will help me be made strong. This doesn’t mean I will magically get in shape, lose weight, or be “fixed”. What it means is that I have to do my very best to work out my muscles spiritually and physically. My body can be like a body builder, but if my mind and heart are spiritually weak one health issue could break me.

In November my doctor, myself, and God began to work together. Have things gone perfectly smooth? NO! Health problems have continued, times of doubt, and the desire to give up have tried to creep in. My attitude hasn’t been positive everyday, but thankfully my husband and family have shown me grace in this time of growth.

There is a song that I have been listening to constantly to remind myself of all of these promises. It’s by Tasha Cobbs Leonard, entitled “Gracefully Broken”. I wanted to share the lyrics.

Take all I have in these hands
And multiply, God, all that I am
And find my heart on the altar again
Set me on fire, set me on fire (c’mon sing)
Take all I have in these hands
And multiply, God (God), all that I am
And find my heart on the altar again
Set me on fire, set me on fire.

Here I am, God
Arms wide open
Pouring out my life
Gracefully broken

My heart stands in awe of Your name
Your mighty love stands strong to the end
You will fulfill Your purpose in me
You won’t forsake me, You will be with me

All to Jesus now
All to Jesus now
I’m holding nothing back
Holding nothing back
I surrender (I surrender). Your power at work in me
I’m broken gracefully, I’m strong when I am weak
I will be free, free indeed.

Surrender. That’s what hit me. I have to surrender it ALL to God in order to be free. Gracefully break me. I am not destroyed. God has gracefully broken me. His power is working in me because I refuse to hold anything back.

Today, I encourage you that if you are struggling in any area of your life that you study about surrendering it to God. Saying that you surrender it to Him doesn’t mean you’ve given it all up to Him. You have to step out and be willing to be broken if that’s what it takes. He will carry you through it the way He knows you need to be carried.

My testimony today is that I was strong enough to work out more with my kiddos this morning, my faith is stronger than it was, and I will be free of this weakness that has tried to destroy me. I’m so thankful that God has handled me with grace.